Learn how you feel, and you'll save yourself.

It’s no surprise to me that Mr. Rogers nostalgia is coming full force with that Tom Hanks/Mr. Rogers movie coming out this holiday season.

Literally every single person I work with, from crystals to coaching, are all yearning for a different response than what we experience in our Collective Consciousness: racism, chaotic, violent, sexism, anger, misogyny…

How do we process all this noise? We can find answers in our friend, Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers came to popularity in a similar era of uncertainty and chaos, and he was speaking to the youngest people, children.

I grew up with Mr. Rogers, and there’s a soothing, welcoming, comfort about his presence. His message was always clear: you are loved just how you are, always. And the gift he gives are tools to understand how you feel so you don’t forget that you are. How often do you remember to love yourself?

I see this frequently, there’s discord and drama and resistance in our own lives because we forget to love ourselves and feel our feelings.

What I love about Fred Rogers’ method is that he always approached each emotion casually, as if what you’re feeling doesn’t have to be intimidating or “too much.” He gave practical and calm examples of how to deal with that emotion. It wasn’t political to be emotional or sensitive, it was a part of being human— every emotion is trying to communicate with you if you slow down and listen. Once you can identify that feeling, it helps to talk about it. That’s the basis for sane and mindful mental health.

The lyrics to: “What Do You Do with the Mad You Feel?”

”What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong...
And nothing you do seems very right?

What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?
Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?

It's great to be able to stop
When you've planned a thing that's wrong,
And be able to do something else instead
And think this song:

I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish
I can stop, stop, stop any time.
And what a good feeling to feel like this
And know that the feeling is really mine.
Know that there's something deep inside
That helps us become what we can.
For a girl can be someday a woman
And a boy can be someday a man.”

“It’s great to be able to stop when you’ve planned a thing that’s wrong, and be able to do something else instead…” This is some HIGH LEVEL understanding, higher consciousness about this. It’s brilliant because every “bad” emotion wants a reaction from you, and YOU GET TO CHOOSE how you deal with it and still acknowledge how you’re feeling.

Every time I’ve made harmful decisions for myself: binging and purging, in depression, in a fight with a loved one, comes from a time where I knew what I was feeling and wasn’t able to do something else instead because I was so enmeshed in what I was feeling rather than identifying, owning, and making a different choice that honors the person who is loved, by Mr. Rogers and myself.

“When we people can understand our feelings and talk about them, we’re free to be the person we like being,” he said. I certainly don’t like the irate, hot/cold, rage yelling Tiffany I can be and have been in the past. I like being the loving, sweet, caring, calm Tiffany who listens and understands. This Tiffany communicates that she’s frustrated when she’s frustrated, and communicates why. When I feel sad, I can explain what made me feel sad so that I can process it. Mr. Rogers gave us a whole road map of guidance on how to be the person you want and like to be. If you can put into practice learning and talking about how you feel, you can save yourself.

You Can Only Control What You Can Control

Spotted near my house only a few days ago! Thanks, Seattle.

"You Can Only Control What You Can Control"

By: Tiffany C. Hammer

Last weekend my boyfriend and I were talking about some current worries and anxieties. They can pile up, and if you're not present, all of sudden these seemingly small problems become an avalanche. Unacknowledged stress is a source of many mental and physical ailments. The preoccupations can derail us from accomplishing our goals and leave us stranded, paralyzed by the unknown. One way to alleviate the stress is to change our attitude, our perceptions, so that we can tackle what we can handle and resolve, letting go of the rest. "You can control what you can control is a powerful mantra to help reframe and regain control of what's happening in your life."

I have had my share of paralyzing anxiety in my life, and if you have ever been anxious, worried so far about what might happen that you end up feeling beyond stuck and powerless.  For me, this particularly happens when I get preoccupied about all the details, present drama or the worries of my colleagues, friends, family, etc. I fall into my own patterns of being an emotional sponge--absorbing the emotions and feelings of those around me, whether or not they are even conscious of them. This mantra saved me in a big way a few years ago. I was in job in which exceeding expectations was the minimum and a senior manager who "motivated" by instilling a fear that nothing would ever suffice, and small, easily rectified mistakes were belabored. Over the course of a few months, my own manager, a gatekeeper of the unpleasant feedback, began to become crippled by fear and anxiety. She had newfound health problems and appeared to be in a relentless pattern of never being good enough. I would sit in my one-on-one meetings with her listening and finding myself increasingly absorbing this crippling stress. I felt hopeless to please our senior manager, and that our team was predestined for failure. Between my manager and myself, we weren't making any progress. 

Outside of work, I was cultivating a deeper spiritual practice for myself. I began meditating regularly and learning about the power of affirmations. After success with "I choose to be happy", and turning this affirmation into a belief, I decided I needed to come up with a way for me to reframe my current professional situation. How it started was by listening to the never-ending negative feedback from my boss, and asking her: "what can we do?" If the feedback was something that we could address and prevent from occurring next time, we then would come up with troubleshooting action plan. This left me feeling capable and knowing exactly where to start to resolve the present situation. If it was feedback regarding something beyond our control, or dependent on variables that we couldn't fix or improve, I tried to stay objective and discard the stressful trickle down worry. After practicing this in every meeting, and reflecting about it in meditation: "You Can Only Control What You Can Control" became explicitly worded and I carried it closely in my personal space. I transcribed this phrase on a post-it and taped it to my computer monitor, and I would repeat it when I would become incensed with panic or fretting about the details I had no control over. It helped me start focusing on the parts of the project I could do well, communicate what I needed, or find solutions in arising problems. Another great benefit for adopting this mantra was that I stopped absorbing the stress of my boss which clouded my perspective. I couldn't thrive in a fear-based environment, and this mantra helped me stay level headed and logical. 

Have you ever been told that you can be your own worst enemy? This can be very true when we are worried about the pieces of the puzzle that are beyond our control. That stress inhibits our ability to see clearly what is directly in front of us or the pieces of the puzzle that we can easily tackle. It also helped me reframe my boss' preoccupations over time and improved our own communication dynamic becoming a more effective team. When we are in a fear state of mind our reality becomes distorted and we easily mess up the little things or avoidable problems happen because we are too wrapped up or busy-minded about the "what ifs" or the worry that we aren't ______ enough. Using a mantra like "You Can Only Control What You Can Control" can help us take a pause, a deep breath, and then gain a clear focus on what's directly in front of us.  It's a powerful tool to remember your participation in the situation, to objectively look for a solution from all sides of the problem, and to find a favorable, do-able outcome or resolution. 

If you are feeling overwhelmed, give this mantra a shot. I guarantee that after using it daily for a week or two, you will start to remember the undoubtable power you have to troubleshoot and create the right answers. Phrase this mantra in your own words and carry it with you. Write it on your bathroom mirror, on a small slip of paper and carry it in your wallet like Karl does with his affirmations, or simply repeat five times when your mind is trying to race away from you. Remember you are a person of value who can easily create a solution. You got this!

Related crystal: Chrysocolla